The 4 Rules To Increase Your Likeability

What is your likeablility quotient?

So, are you likeable? (You can find out here in this quiz based on research by a group of psychologists)

Many believe that being likeable is a trait of nature and belongs to the lucky few who are – extroverted, good looking, fiercely social and the talented. f you happen to fall on the shyer, more introverted end of the spectrum, you might fear being relegated to the "unlikeable" category.

In this article, we'll delve into what likeability truly entails and its profound impact on both personal and professional relationships. If you've ever found yourself in the camp that believes you're either born likeable or not, read on. We'll explore the science-backed strategies to boost your likeability, regardless of where you fall on the introversion-extroversion scale.

What is likeability and why is it important?

 Some say that likeability is simply the ability to make others feel better about themselves. Others define it as being friendly, with the Merriam-Webster dictionary describing it as having qualities that bring about a favourable regard i.e. pleasant and agreeable. Like it or not, we all have an innate desire to be liked. It’s part of our human psyche. This sentiment is demonstrated by the significance we attach to receiving 'likes' on social media.

So what’s the big deal about likeability? Research shows that genuine likeable people tend to be more successful. They are more likely to be promoted or hired. Likeability is also crucial to building and maintaining great relationships. It’s vital to positively influencing, (not in a manipulative way), the people around you. In essence, likeability also drives positive, lasting connections and relationships.

According to Susan Fiske’s stereotype content model, people perceive us along two dimensions: competence and likeability. Both are important. Most professionals feel it’s more important for others to see us as competent as opposed to likeable. Interestingly, likeability often forms the stronger initial impression, with competence following suit. Being liked leaves a lasting impression long after the first encounter. This isn't to say that likeability should outweigh competence, but recognizing its impact on both personal and professional success equips you to navigate life more effectively.

But what if you do not fall under the category of good-looking or outgoing personality? Does that mean you are destined to a life of less meaningful connections and less than desirable career prospects than your extroverted counterparts? Thankfully, likeability isn’t solely a product of nature. It can be nurtured. It's a skill worth honing if you're keen on enhancing your position in both life and work.

Do You Have to be a People Pleaser to be Likeable?

Being likeable doesn't equate to bending over backward for everyone.. While likeability can be a powerful asset, it can also become a burden if it leads you to prioritize others' wants and needs at the expense of your authentic self. People-pleasing often stems from a need for external validation, which can lead to stress and anxiety when that validation isn't forthcoming. It involves sacrificing your own needs and desires in pursuit of others' approval. Wanting to be liked should not be confused with needing to be liked. Wanting to be liked is not the same as needing to be liked!

 Here are some telltale signs of people pleasing behaviour:

 -       Continuous efforts to please people

-       Willingness to do almost anything, even if it goes against your values or poses risks

-       Heightened anxiety when facing disapproval

-       Reluctance to stand out or voice dissent within a group

-       Fixated on winning over a person who doesn’t seem to like you.

If you resonate with any of these signs and wish to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing, consider seeking support from a therapist or coach to guide you through the process.

We are not tacos. Not everyone will like us.

How to Be Likeable?

 How can one enhance and improve our likeability quotient? Before delving into the strategies,, it is important to remember that we are not tacos. Not everyone will like us, and that's perfectly normal. The goal isn't to win everyone over but to position ourselves more effectively and exert greater influence in our professional and personal lives.

 Here are some research-backed ways to improve your likeability.

 Rule #1: Like yourself first

If the ways you perceive others become your reality about them, then the reverse is also true. How you perceive yourself is the reality about you. And this perception you have is what you transmit to the outside world. So if you don’t like yourself, and you’re plagued with a severe negative self-view, then what you are informing the people around you is that the negativity is the reality about you.

People are naturally drawn to those who exude a quiet confidence, a comfort in their own skin. They pick up on low self-esteem and fear. People pick up on low self-esteem and fear. People like confident people. Confidence doesn't imply an absence of self-doubt, but rather stems from managing those doubts and recognizing that your imperfections are what make you unique and likeable.

So, my friend, know and own your uniqueness.

 Rule #2: Signal your liking for the others

Humans are wired to seek confirmation that they are liked. We enjoy being around people who appreciate our company. This phenomenon is known as the reciprocity effect. However, we don't always interpret social cues accurately, making it important to express our feelings of liking towards others. If you genuinely like someone, let them know. By doing so, you make it easier for them to reciprocate those feelings.

How can you show other people you like them? One of the best way is to identify and acknowledge the strengths and positive qualities in other people. Be a highlighter! More importantly, be a genuine highlighter. Hollow compliments or “sucking up” is not what we are after. What truly boosts the likeability quotient is genuine recognition of people’s strengths and virtues, and making it known to them. For instance: “ Jen really nailed the presentation last week. She did an excellent job” People are quicker to warm up towards people who they perceive to already like them.

In fact an opportune moment to highlight someone else’s strengths is when you’re introducing them to others. This is a good tip to keep in the back of your pocket when you are next at a networking session or meeting someone new for the first time. For instance, “David, meet Peter. Peter is incredible at teaching difficult concepts to university students”

Rule #3: The similarity attraction effect

We like people like us. Notice groups form when there is a shared hobby, interest, life stages etc. We tend to be attracted to people who are similar to us. Studies even show that we prefer individuals who dress similarly to us. We're naturally drawn to those who share our values, beliefs, attitudes, cultural backgrounds, and even subtle behaviors like posture.

When you meet someone for the first time, keep an eye out for commonalities and bring them to light. Are you both drinking the same red wine? Do you both love Chinese Food? Do you both hate coriander?

Identifying and highlighting these shared traits provides a solid foundation for conversation. The more commonalities you discover, the more socially appealing you become. It boils down to three steps:

A.   Find the commonality

B.   Highlight the commonality

C.   Expand the commonality

Identifying similarities isn't confined to face-to-face conversations. It can be extended to emails and even cold calls. Each shared thread strengthens the connection and elevates the likeability quotient.

Rule #4: Be the real deal

Authenticity is the cornerstone in likeability. When we come from an authentic, genuine place in ourselves, our efforts to connect with people work to the fullest. The real you is the best you, and it’s the most powerful tool for forming real connections. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. People can sniff out fake. People are naturally drawn to those who are authentic and unafraid to be themselves. Authenticity fosters a sense of reliability and trustworthiness, two essential components of likeability.

A good way to be authentic, is to simply stop trying to be who you think you should be. Don’t think. Just be. By aligning with your true self, you allow others to connect with you in the same way.

Do introverts have an edge in likeability?

Do introverts even have an edge in Likeability?

Introverts tend to be highly attuned to the feelings and needs of others. Their natural inclination towards introspection allows them to delve deep into their own emotions, fostering a heightened sense of empathy. This empathetic nature helps them to connect with others on a more profound level, making those they interact with feel truly heard and valued. When the other person feels valued, their likeability towards you naturally increases.

One of the most potent tools in likeability is the ability to listen attentively. Introverts excel in active listening. Their preference for thoughtful observation over excessive talking enables them to absorb information, not just with their ears, but with their hearts. This genuine interest in builds a solid foundation for trust and genuine rapport.

Research shows that humans spend 40% of everyday speech talking about themselves. Taking a cue from introverts, encourage others to share by listening more. This practice boosts their self-esteem and, in turn, increases their liking towards you. It's a win-win.

Conclusion:

Likeability is a crucial skill to cultivate in order to thrive in both personal and professional spheres. It all begins with embracing and liking yourself. This self-assuredness radiates to the world, allowing others to like you in return. If you find yourself drawn to someone, let them know. We're not always adept at conveying our feelings, so being a beacon of positivity for others enhances your likeability. Since we tend to favor those who are similar to us, seek out common ground when making connections. Highlight and build upon these shared traits. Lastly, be authentically you, as this is the key to forming meaningful connections. 

Back to you now to work on your likability quotient.

If you are looking to increase your likeability quotient and would like some help, let’s connect here.