Embracing and Cultivating Quiet Confidence
If I were to ask you to describe a person you know, personally or not, who is confident. Will you be sharing about a person who fits one of the descriptions below?
Description 1: In a power suit or some amazing looking outfit. On stage. Full of energy. Talks eloquently. Everyone in the room cheering for him/her because of what was said. In the spotlight. Always looking for an opportunity for attention.
Description 2: At the boardroom. Presents powerfully. Air of competence. Shares openly. Voice of authority. Usually has an opinion or a suggestion to give. Assertive verging on aggressive.
Description 3: At luncheon. Surrounded by people. Laughs loudly. Talks a lot about themselves. Never run out of conversations. Life of the party.
Description 4: On social media. Lots of achievements shown. Only the good stuff. Lots of selfies. Always “humble bragging”.
The braggy/loud confidence says look at me, it’s all about me.
Well, if you had picked one of the above descriptors, you’re not alone. In fact, there is a common misconception that confidence is inherently loud and commanding. Confidence is often linked with the decibels of one’s voice or the frequency & boldness of their claims. This misconception overlooks the profound strength found in the understated confidence that doesn't shout for attention but instead speaks through consistent actions, thoughtful words, and a steady, unshakable presence.
What is Quiet Confidence?
So what exactly is quiet confidence? It’s a form of self-assuredness that doesn’t need external validation or loud expression. It's about being secure in one’s abilities and qualities without the need for overt display.
Here are some traits of quiet confidence.
1. Listen > speaking
Individuals with quiet confidence prioritize listening over speaking, understanding the value in absorbing, and considering the perspectives of others. Their approach is not about dominating conversations but about learning from the exchange of ideas.
2. Modest
Those who embody quiet confidence exhibit modesty; they don’t feel the need to boast about their achievements or abilities. This humility endears them to others, as it highlights their approachable and unpretentious nature.
3. Trust in your abilities
Quietly confident people have a firm trust in their abilities, which doesn’t waver in the face of doubt or criticism. This self-assuredness is internal and doesn’t rely on external validation or constant reassurance.
4. Authentic in interactions
Genuine interactions are a hallmark of quiet confidence; these individuals engage with others sincerely and authentically. They avoid pretense or superficiality, choosing instead to form connections that are meaningful and honest.
5. Speak up when needed
While often reserved, those with quiet confidence are not afraid to speak up when the situation demands it. Their words carry weight because they speak only when they have something valuable to say, making their contributions even more impactful.
6. Exude a calm aura
The calm aura of a quietly confident person often acts as a stabilizing force in chaotic situations. Their presence is reassuring, emanating a sense of control and balance even when circumstances are turbulent.
7. Unfazed by the spotlight but shines nonetheless
Quietly confident individuals are unfazed by the spotlight; they don’t seek it, yet they shine in their quiet way when it finds them. Their accomplishments and demeanor speak for themselves, earning recognition without the need for self-promotion.
8. Admit mistakes
A key aspect of quiet confidence is the ability to admit mistakes without fear of judgment. This openness to acknowledging faults is not seen as a weakness but as a strength, demonstrating their commitment to growth and integrity.
Why Quiet Confidence > Braggy/Loud Confidence?
When corporate environments and the world is often about showcasing your achievements and boasting about your talents why will it benefit us to build on or develop our quiet confidence?
The quiet confidence is a powerful skill set for personal effectiveness and success. Some of the benefits are:
1. Improved decision making
thoughtful, reflective approach to situations, leading to more considered and effective decision-making. This thoughtful approach helps in assessing situations more accurately and making informed choices.
2. Increased Respect and Trust = More meaningful connections
People with quiet confidence tend to garner more respect and trust from others. Their calm and measured approach in handling situations and interactions often leads others to view them as reliable and dependable. As a result, they tend to form more quality & meaningful connections.
3. Effective leadership
Quietly confident individuals often make effective leaders. They lead by example, inspire trust, and create an environment where team members feel valued and heard, leading to higher morale and productivity.
4. Authentic Personal Brand
Developing quiet confidence helps in building an authentic personal brand. It allows your true abilities and character to shine through without the need for ostentation or pretense.
5. Long term self-assurance
Unlike loud confidence, which can be dependent on external validation, quiet confidence is more internally rooted and sustainable. It’s based on a genuine self-awareness and understanding of one’s abilities, which fosters long-term self-assurance.
6. Learning & Growth
The reflective nature of quiet confidence fosters a mindset geared towards continuous learning and personal growth. Individuals are more open to feedback, new ideas, and self-improvement.
As an introvert how can you tap into your quiet confidence?
Introverts are usually natural listeners. They usually crave deeper and more authentic connections than superficial ones. They are also the ones who are happy to stay out of the limelight. Introverts are empathetic people. Many introverts possess a high degree of empathy, enabling them to connect with others on a deep level.
Introverts’ many natural tendencies are also strengths of a person with quiet confidence. Recognising these natural tendencies as strengths is the first step to tapping into that quiet confidence. Introverts may not see these natural tendencies as strengths as they are often told to “you should speak up more”, “you are so quiet”, “don’t be shy”, “you should try to be more outgoing; it’ll do you good”, “you should come out of your shell” subscribing to the misconception that their natural traits are inferior.
Once recognizing these natural traits as strengths, embrace introversion then figure out the gaps in being a quiet confident individual. It could be developing a growth mindset, exhibiting that calm aura during social engagements, or the courage of speaking up when necessary.
Taking small steps such as preparing insightful questions for meetings or offering written feedback can be a start to speaking up and leveraging off the reflective nature of introverts. Taking time to reflect can also help introverts understand and harness their inner confidence. Journalling the strengths introverts bring to the professional world helps introverts explore, gain clarity and solidifying their thoughts and emotions which in turn boosts self-assurance.
As an extrovert how can you build on your quiet confidence?
Extroverts with their outgoing and sociable nature, can also cultivate quiet confidence, a blend that can be powerful in their personal and professional lives. The key lies in self-awareness. Understanding which aspects of the quiet confidence an extrovert can embrace to balance their innate sociability is important. By practicing self-reflection and mindfulness, extroverts can pause, introspect and align their actions with their values thereby adding a layer of thoughtfulness to their confident, outgoing demeanour.
Building on quiet confidence does not happen overnight. It’s a journey of introspection, learning and growth. Extroverts can also identity role models who exhibit a blend of quiet confidence and natural energy & charisma. Through understanding the principles and values that guide these role models, extroverts can extract lessons and approaches to life that can guide them.
Active listening is also crucial in building quiet confidence. By practicing attentive and empathetic listening, extroverts can foster deeper, more meaningful connections, moving beyond surface-level interactions. Thereby building genuine understanding and respect with friends, colleagues or staff members.
Is Quiet Confidence a skill set that can be developed?
Yes, quiet confidence is indeed a skill set that can be developed and built upon. Unlike inherent traits that are largely fixed, skills are adaptable and can be cultivated through practice and conscious effort.
Quiet confidence involves a combination of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, communication skills and resilience, all of which can be learned and improved over time. As with any skill set, building on quiet confidence requires:
1. Practice and Reflection
Building quiet confidence requires consistent practice. This can be practicing active listening, learning the tools to speak up, adopting a new mindset, learning to overcome the imposter syndrome & to trust your own abilities.
Engaging in activities that promote self-awareness and mindfulness, like journaling or meditation, can help in the development as well.
2. Feedback and Adaptation
Like any skill, developing quiet confidence involves seeking feedback and being willing to adapt. Understanding how your actions and presence are perceived by others can provide valuable insights for growth. This can be done in collaboration with a coach or a mentor. Having a feedback loop, making the adjustments will bring about an upward growth spiral.
3. Patience and Persistence
Building quiet confidence is a gradual process and requires patience and persistence. It involves setting small, achievable goals and gradually stepping out of one’s comfort zone to gain confidence in various situations.
Quiet Confidence is a personalized journey.
Building quiet confidence is a personalized journey – one filled with learning and growth. It is not an innate trait that is confined to the select few. It transcends personality types. Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert or an ambivert, you can tap into your quiet charisma and lean into it in your personal and professional world. It starts with recognizing the value of quiet confidence and a commitment to cultivate it. So, take the first step today. Embrace the traits and skills that resonate with your personal journey. Practice, reflect, and grow. As a Quiet Confidence Coach, I’ll be here rooting for you and know that I too am in this growth journey with you.
PS: Stay tuned as I share more about the Quiet Confidence Framework in the next few months on the exact skills you can build to increase your quiet confidence.
